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Thursday, March 7, 2013

I Can't Do Anything Right Anymore......Even When I Do

It is a new year!

My grandparents still live close to me. They hate me though because I am supposed to take care of them which I do but apparently I don't do it correctly. Anything I do for them is criticized, from my driving to washing the sheets all the way down to who I vote for. Apparently I am a suck person and deserve no thanks for any of my efforts.

I'll start at the beginning of February. My grandfather complained he was constipated and went to the Dr. The Dr. prescribed medication, the medication did its job and my Grandfather ended up in the hospital due to hemorrhaging. I rushed to the E.R. and it was a disaster. I had to dispose of his shoes, wallet, glasses and the like because the nurses dumped all of them into the hazmat bin! Yeah I was not dumpster diving for that stuff. So there is the first thing I did wrong. He was transferred to a hospital up the way (45 min. drive, no biggie). After only two days in the hospital he went A.M.A. (left against medical advice) as he believed my grandmother could not live without him and I and my sister were just completely incapable of taking care of him. Ummm ok. So he was home not even an hour and we were back at emergency. Oh but wait, first I had to call the Dr. and ask if he should go to emergency by ambulance or if I should just drive him back to the other hospital we just left. This was the second thing I did wrong, I kept a level head and did as directed, my grandmother got on the phone and went crazy on the poor nurse helping me.

So back to the hospital. This time I talked to the Dr. (that's how it came out that grandpa went A.M.A. the first time) We all, including grandparents, agreed that Grandpa needed to stay this time. I took time off work and drove my grandma there everyday. My husband even went with us on one visit. Well this is the third thing I did wrong, a admitting nurse came in and was trying to make my grandpa smile and I guess I wasn't supposed to laugh and smile. After the nurse left my grandmother said "Laughter is not sincerity" and looked at me as if she wished I were dead. When I tried to say something she said "Oh, leave me alone!". I said okay and walked out (apparently that was the fourth thing I did wrong). My husband was in shock. He followed me out to the car where we were going to wait for my grandmother to be ready to leave. My husband went back in to see if she had calmed down and when he went in the room my grandfather was talking to my Aunt telling her how my grandmother needed special care and I just wasn't doing it right.

In the meantime, I was on the phone with my sister just completely lost and saw my grandmother come out of the hospital and start walking into the street. I went down there to find out what she was doing. She glared at me and said she was going for a walk. I told her to come back up the ramp as she was walking into the thorough fare and no one could see her if something happened. She just stared daggers at me as she was walking up. I said "What is wrong? I am only trying to help you?" and she said "I don't want your kind of help!" and said that I yelled at her and that I needed to talk to my god. Yep that's right, that was mistake number five. I didn't talk to her on the ride home and waited til later the next day to call to find out when she wanted to go see grandpa.

So finally the day comes and he is discharged. I take my grandmother to pick up my grandfather. I had a prescription the Dr. gave me for my grandfather so I said we would drop it off and take him home and I would go back to pick up the prescription later. Well by the time we got him home he was complaining he was hungry (he was acting like a 5 year old) and I said we could get him something to eat. He said he wanted a burger (he actually whined this statement) so thinking the healthiest thing would be one without lettuce or tomato per the Dr. instructions stating no roughage. My grandma decides she wants me to run to Kmart to get bath mats that night as well. SO off my husband and I go, we get the bathmats, head back to the pharmacy then to In N Out for a basic burger. When we finally get back my grandparents had decided to go to bed? So we cut the burger in half, laid out the bath mats and went home. This is mistake six if you are still counting.

The next day? The next day I called their house to see if they wanted me to stop by and get their shopping list. I was greeted with the fact that they hired caretakers, the hamburger was a disgrace and how they needed 24 hour care. Okay here is the deal, my grandmother and I agreed that I would help them with some of the day-to-day stuff and my grandfather agreed too, but because of that hamburger being cheese and ketchup only I was now too incompetent to bring them up their meals from their dining room, do their laundry or anything else. I was hurt yet again. I didn't talk to them for two days, I couldn't, I did everything they wanted me to and got punched in the face for it.

After two days my grandfather calls me and tells me he is sorry and that he wanted to explain, yadda yadda yadda....... So the people they hired were doing a crap job and they wanted me to help them again (my grandfather stated that he would pay me $100.00 a week and I could not refuse it). Being me, I agreed to all of it as I want to be able to help them. It has only been 3 weeks, I have managed to make Dr. appointments, pick up prescriptions, check in, do laundry, pick up random things and drop them off and so on. I spend on average 30 hours a week with them and doing things for them.

This past Sunday my daughter "C" and I went over to do their laundry and clean up the house. We went early as I had other commitments that I could not put off. We washed down everything and washed the sheets. "C" asked him if he wanted her to wash the clothes in the hamper and he said not to worry about them. So all done and off we go. Two hours later he calls to ask why we didn't wash the clothes and that he couldn't find the sheets we washed. I explained that he said not to and that "C" thought he meant they were clean and that the sheets were folded neatly on the dresser. He said that was stupid and yelled at me. I apologized and said that I would do them the next day. He said fine and hung up.

The next day I go to their house and he said he washed them and that we washed the sheets wrong. My grandmother was having burning on her legs. Well I'm watching the regular cleaner change the sheets on their bed and see that he NEVER even put the sheets I washed on the bed. They were still the old blue ones from the week before. I just took it and said okay and he explained how the washers there work and how he washes the clothes and sheets FOUR times. Oh and he included that I shouldn't be mad at him, he was just explaining things to me. Okay. So mistake seven right?

The day after that I went to take him to the Dr. I had gotten my grandmothers medical card from him the previous day as I was to pick up a prescription for her this day.  Since I was taking him to the Dr. I told him I would give him grandmas prescription card back. He stated I took his card and that hers was in his wallet. I said "no her card is right here" and handed it to him. he said "its my card but it doesn't matter.". I said "No, read it." as I didn't want to get blamed if he had actually lost his card. He read it and said "oh, I'm sorry" in a way that I was still wrong. Mistake eight.

Well now it is today. My grandfather calls me to tell me not to come over because he and my grandmother are having the hair cuter over to cut their hair (she is my friend and I asked her to do this as a favor to me) and that he wanted to sit me down because we are going to change some things. Yep I am supposed to go there tomorrow to get a verbal punch in the face again I am sure. I think this time I will not be talking to them ever again. Ever since he was in the hospital I have seen a new side to both of them. I see them as real people, not as my loving and caring grandparents who appreciate me in any way. I believe I am now someone to blame when things happen. If I go over there I am sure I will find out mistakes all the way to a million. Oh and its pretty convenient that my Aunt is supposed to be there tomorrow afternoon, get all the pleasantries out of the way so they can fake that everything is okay......

It is what it is and I wish it wasn't anymore.

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