Friday, June 25, 2010

Busy Busy Busy

Hello there!

I have been super busy with school and work.

The up shot is that i have "A's" in my classes. I have been able to juggle my kids, education and job amazing well thus far. At first I thought I was going to fail my Word 2007 class. I thought other students were, well, lets just say not polite on the BBs. But they have mellowed out and are showing that they are different styled learners as well. One girl an dI are having the same problem which makes me laugh. We are "learn by doing" and tend to just figure it out while doing the work. It is really difficult to actually have to slow down and follow the directions hahahaha.

I was able to visit my grandparents on Monday. I do believe my Grandmother doesn't even realize she was mad at me and said those things before. I can tell she goes in and out a bit. My grandfather is getting even more worried about my soul. He lectured me about going to church and that my kids need to go to church. As soon as possible.

Work has been crazy. We now have a program that does the employee schedule on its own. This is weird because now I have shifts that start at 15 til or 15 after and show as 5.25 hours with a .75 brake in between. Can you say pointless???? I knew you could. So I am at work for 5.25 hours but only get paid for 4. Seriously, just schedule me for 4 hours you idiot system.

So anyways, school is good, work is work, Grandma is losing it and.....................

It is what it is!

Monday, June 14, 2010

I can't think of a title for this

Okay so this has nothing to do with school other than the fact that this is my first day of classes and I am posting before I do work.

This Saturday I called my Grandparents to let them know the kids and I would be out next Friday for a long over due visit. When my Grandmother got on the phone she seemed cold and distant. She began telling me that my kids were going to be a waste of life unless they succeeded in school and became something. How basically I wasted it and was doing too little too late by going back to school now, but she was glad I was going back. I ignored it thinking she was probably tired or not feeling "up to snuff" as is so often the case now. The conversation moved on and I told them of the plans to see my Dad in July and that we were all excited and nervous about the drive. As I was going over the itinerary and method of transportation my Grandmother blurted out "I am mad at you and really offended that you called your father a "baby killer" the last time we talked!". She continued on about how what he did was important and that I should have respect for him no matter what. Yes, folks I was taken off guard and really confused.

My father was in the Vietnam war and had to do many things that some would frown on. However, these are things he had to do, he had to stay alive to come home to his new wife and child. I have never slighted him for his service in the military and do not judge him by any of the things he had to do there. If I was that person I would never have talked to him again. I am not that person and love my Dad so much.

So there I sat startled and dumbfounded by this accusation. I tried to defend myself and figure out where this came from. She said "You said it the last time we talked". I haven't really talked to my Grandmother in a few months as she has been ill and not able to come to the phone. I tend to converse with my Grandfather during my weekly calls. As the tears welled up in my eyes I tried to tell her I never have nor would say that and if I had said something even remotely like I in no way meant to nor meant anything I say about my Dad to be hurtful like that. In the process of my explanation she hung up. My Grandfather was still on the phone. I was in full tears and ready to throw up.

He was telling me he knew I didn't mean anything I said to be derogatory and that I had to understand that my Grandmother had a lot on her mind. Her brothers and sisters all have Alzheimer's and their kids were moving them around to different nursing homes etc. He said my Grandmother is really sick. I didn't think to ask if she had been to the Doctor and reviewed for Dementia. I couldn't think of anything, I was shocked. I just didn't understand where this attack came from. I told him that I would just call this Friday and see if she would want to see me then.

I called my sister and told her what happened. She said it would blow over and to just wait to hear from them.

So this makes me think and over process. Do I say things like that. Am I really a mean person? Is my Grandmother suffering the on-set of Dementia? Ha my favorite character on G.L.O.W. was named Dementia. Is this what the remaining years of her life going to be like? Do I really have my best interest in mind putting my family well-being before everything else in my life. All I want to do is go to her and set her mind at ease, but is there anything there to ease?

My Nana (Grandmoms mom) had Alzheimer and it was rough for everyone, especially her. I was just a little kid at the time, but I remember going to the home and singing "You Are My Sunshine" to her. She thought my sister and I were staff or some nice kids from a local school to sing to her. Sometimes she was angry and would be afraid of us. I am worried that this is an experience I will relive with my Grandmother. I sincerely hope not.

So it is what it is............ and I wish I could change it.

Friday, June 11, 2010

My Books Have Arrived!!!

Yesterday afternoon as I was getting ready to go to work there was a ring at the door and a man yelled "Delivery!".

My books have arrived. I tore into them like a child opening a Christmas gift. Two books a CD-ROM and the instructions to log in for my first class! I being the over achiever have already begun reading the Strategies for the Tech Pro. Ive already browsed through the Tech Book for Office. Classes do not start until Monday the 14th.

I a definitely fired up. The course book I started reading is great! The entire first chapter is on goal setting and self esteem which I think is something I need to work on. I have never reviewed anything about my feelings or goals. I actually wrote them out. I think it was a good thing to reflect on where I have been and where I am going.

I have found that I am reliable, trustworthy, dependable, responsible, outspoken, giving and a little open. I need to work on some of it and will everyday.

Life is good right now. Work is amazing, I am busy and appreciated there. I have been told I may go to full time over the summer. I told them not just yet due to my traveling this summer to my Dad's in Silver City, Nevada.

Yes folks I am actually going to step outside the comfort zone and leave my house for something other than work. I will be sure to post pictures of my travels and tell this blog and the one reader I have all about the fun exploits the girls and I get into. We are driving there! Maybe take the scenic route and make a couple of stops for fun at the tourist traps.

Today was the last day of school for A and C. They are excited and relieved and happy to have the rest. It's been a tumultuous year for C. The transition to high school has not been an easy one on her. But we addressed the issues and are moving forward.

A has had an amazing year and has been working hard. Her teacher told me today that is has been wonderful having A in her class and helping her on her journey in life. She has gone from a semi-trouble confused little girl to a self-confident and intelligent person. She has made friends and been able to keep them for the first time. She has had sleep overs and is even spending the night at a friends tonight!

R is working harder than ever! He has really proved himself at the Plant and continues to do so every day. On weekends he has been working at his friends as a trade for a Chevy wagon for me. (long story about why I am getting a Chevy Wagon but it solves a bone of issue within my family). He is hoping that I will be able to drive it when I go see my Dad in July.

Life is good and it is what it is......